Dreaming a Reality Read online

  As I thought of John, I could smell that the pot roast was almost done. Jeremy was in his bedroom reading when the telephone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s me. How are you, Kat?” said a sleek voice.

  “John!” I said, happily surprised.

  “Yeah, sorry I haven’t called lately—been busy.”

  “That’s okay, John. I got your e-mail,” I said as I untangled myself from the telephone cord.

  “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk with you about that. Jeremy tells me you’re smoking a lot more and not sleeping as much. I hope you’re taking that medication the doctor prescribed.” John sounded vexed.

  “Please, I can handle this, okay?” I felt a potentially heated discussion coming on.

  I didn’t want to get into it, and as John started questioning me a little more, my voice began to rise.

  “Mom, is that Dad?” Jeremy called out from the back room.

  “Yeah, here, you talk to him. I am done with his interrogation.” I handed the phone over to Jeremy as I tried to finish up cleaning in the kitchen.

  I didn’t think it was just that. I questioned myself as to what else it could have been. What had Jeremy been saying to his dad?

  Disappointed, but not surprised, I now knew what was up—me and my behavior.

  I instantly had racing thoughts of how it all started. Trying to remember my changes, I thought back to about a month before, when sleep began to elude me. I knew by not taking my meds, I would become manic and might even have another episode, but I was sick of all the side effects and decided to stop, yet again. I knew I was playing with fire but did it anyway, hoping my nausea and stomach discomfort would go away. No one knew I’d stopped the meds, not even my doctor or therapist. I kept that hidden from everyone—that amongst other things.

  Chapter Three

  Friday, and finally done with a full week of working and running back and forth to hockey for Jeremy, I was getting excited about the day.

  Mr. Ming wanted me to check out the Drake Hotel in Chicago and evaluate it for potential clients. As he’d received two tickets from Southwest Airlines, complimentary of the hotel, I decided to ask my friend Jenny as she’d never been to the Windy City before. It was a good deal I got from my job, one of many I received.

  Jenny and I had been friends since early grade school, and I remember when I first met her. A tall, lanky girl with curly brown hair, she’d been standing at the corner of my block. She’d asked me for directions after I nearly collided into her with my bike, yet Jenny didn’t seem to mind; in fact, she laughed at my riding skills.

  I decided, while preparing for the trip, to take my mood stabilizer again. I took it even though it caused some dizziness and stomach discomfort. At least it was helping me sleep a little better, and that was what mattered most at this moment, and after I’d spoken with John, I figured it was about due time to take my medication. I was still upset at his accusations, yet knew he was right. I didn’t want to scare Jeremy any more than I had been lately.

  While I packed a few of my dresses and make-up kit, I noticed a few e-mails had come in, so I sat down to read them. It was nice to receive another one from Dean, and I thought how refreshing it was to talk to him.

  Although we’d only chatted a few times earlier in the week, I was interested and, after viewing his profile, increasingly intrigued. The picture he’d posted wasn’t bad, so long as it was really him and not his good-looking younger brother, or him thirty years ago. His profile read: Just looking for a good friendship, which is difficult to find, let alone a romantic relationship. I am open to anything, as long as you are too.

  I popped opened Dean’s e-mail right away:

  Dear Katherine,

  Hello again! I just wanted to say I’ve been having a great time talking with you this past week. I know we only met online, during the night, when I couldn’t sleep. That night I was glad I didn’t get any rest. Hope to hear from you today. Can’t wait to meet you. Take care and talk to you soon.

  From your restless friend,

  Dean

  It just so happened Dean lived in Chicago, and he suggested meeting me somewhere downtown later that night. I agreed as long as he didn’t mind meeting Jenny also. I did all the checking to make sure the dating site was secure, but I was still apprehensive about it. I mean, it’s not every day you meet people on the computer. Well, unless you work with them—which reminded me of Mitch again.

  I had seen Mitch’s couple of e-mails and decided not to open them. I knew it would be the same thing—saying how we were together in the past and how great it was. Just because it happened once didn’t mean that it would happen again. It would be different if Mitch wasn’t married, but he was, and he wasn’t about to leave his wife—not for me—not for anyone.

  As I glanced at the clock, I realized I was running late. I was to meet Jenny at the airport in less than an hour and had called a cab to take me there.

  The cab pulled up at a quarter to two as I hurried to stuff the rest of my clothes in my bags. I left a note for Jeremy; I wasn’t worried about him since he’d already made arrangements to be with John, yet I felt bad leaving without saying good-bye. I reminded myself he was almost an adult now and could take care of himself.

  I got in the cab after lobbing my luggage into the trunk. Once the driver pulled up to the airport drop-off center, I could see Jenny standing next to the Southwest Airlines sign.

  “Hey, Jen,” I said, waving as I got out.

  “There you are,” she yelled back, waving her arms too.

  “Sorry I’m late.”

  “No problem, we still have time.”

  We rolled our bags through the luggage check and entered through the security doorway.

  We arrived in Chicago a little after five. The short flight had been uneventful and everything was working out well. Nothing got lost, and we were still together. Last time we took a weekend getaway together, I lost my favorite suitcase and Jenny flipped out because she couldn’t find me for hours, and that was all at the airport.

  Chicago was amazing. The narrow skyscrapers outlined the city in pearly lights, and the busy streets were jammed with business people running to work and tourists taking snap-shots of the landmarks. We watched with gaping eyes as we travelled in the back of the cab. I could tell by Jenny’s silence and open mouth she was really excited.

  When we pulled up to the hotel, she smiled. “Wow, we’re finally here. Can you believe it?”

  “Yeah, this is great.”

  After getting out of the cab and spinning through the glass-doors, we headed for the reception desk and checked in.

  “You’re on the fifth floor, Miss Wheeler,” the clerk said, handing me the card-keys and pointing to the elevator doors.

  I was instantly pleased with the room and could feel the richness of the high-style furniture and ornate designs in the wallpaper. I was ecstatic to see the Italian-marble tub in the bathroom as I glided my fingers across the slick surface, and already knew I would give the hotel a rave review; even the view of the lake was inviting.

  “I can’t wait to take a bath in this,” I said to Jenny.

  The only thing I worried about was that the room was non-smoking, like they all were.

  As we got settled in, I made arrangements to go to Navy Pier. I also scoped out the restaurants along Michigan Avenue for the meeting with Dean and found a little Italian place, the Spiaggia Restaurant, that I’d always wanted to try.

  After a late afternoon on the Spirit, a Chicago lunch-cruise boat, Jenny and I returned to the hotel. I called Jeremy’s cell to find out how he was doing but only got the voice-mail, so I left a message. He was famous for not answering, so I wasn’t worried, but I still wanted to hear his voice.

  “You can just go without me, you know you want to,” Jenny said as she popped onto one of the queen-size beds.

  “Oh, Jen, come on! I want you to come, you know you want to,” I said, watching her smile a big grin.
r />   “Yeah right, I’ll pass. You guys have a good time. I’m wiped out from the boat trip. Besides, I have a bubble bath waiting for me.”

  “All right, I guess.” I was a little relieved that Jenny didn’t want to go on this Dean-date with me, but I was still hesitant to meet a perfect stranger online, face-to-face. As it was, we’d only met a week ago. I tried to not let my mind wonder too much about it, but I couldn’t help it. I thought of Dean, of meeting him for the first time, of him turning out to look completely different to what I expected—tall, dark hair and with a sleek suit on. I could almost see a vision of him as I gazed out the window, but then realized I was thinking of Mitch.

  “Kat, you okay?”

  Jenny shook the Mitch vision out of my mind.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” I said as I cleared my throat. “So, should I go with the black cocktail dress or the red silk one?” I picked up the two dresses lying on the bed and swung them side-by-side against my body.

  “I would think the cocktail dress would be more appropriate, Kat.” She looked at me as if I should have already known that.

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  I went into the bathroom and changed, then arranged for the cab to come and get me. I noticed on my cell there was one missed call.

  “The cab is here for you, Kat.”

  “Already?” I saw that the missed number was from the cab driver.

  Once I got in the car, I called Dean to let him know I was on my way.

  “Great, I’m here and waiting,” he said.

  “It’s just gonna be me. Jenny decided to stay back.”

  “Good…are you okay with this?”

  “Oh, yeah. Be there in fifteen minutes.”

  I was nervous going alone, but the reassurance in Dean’s voice made me feel more at ease.

  The cab driver pulled up to the restaurant a few minutes after ten. I was making good time as I got out, tipped the cabbie and tried to de-wrinkle my dress. I had my hair pinned up and could feel the breeze from the lakefront. It was a cool night, the sky was dark and clear with stars and the city was lit up like a string of pearls.

  As I opened the door I could smell the fresh Italian bread sitting on the tables. The restaurant was dimly lit and quaint, with tiny lamps providing a soft rose hue. The patterned curtains were cut café style, and from across the room I could see a man waving. He was sitting at the bar, wearing a short-sleeved black shirt and jeans, with long blonde hair pinned back in a ponytail. I knew it was Dean instantly. He looked exactly like his profile, and he could clearly recognize me from mine.

  “Wow, you look great!” he said as I walked toward him and reached over to kiss him on the cheek.

  “You do too.” I took a seat on one of the stools beside him.

  I was always attracted to the long-haired, tattooed types. Dean had a wicked Chinese dragon crawling down one arm and a colorful cobra on the other, both elaborate in design.

  He chatted away about some of his other tattoos that he mentioned he wanted to show me later. A chill ran down my spine at the thought.

  We talked about everything including our jobs, the kids―Dean had a son a few years older than Jeremy―and how hard dating was. He went on to say he was between jobs.

  “It was amazing I caught you that night,” he said, signaling the bartender for another round.

  “Caught me?”

  “Well, you know. That we were both online at the same time.”

  “Yeah, it’s not every day you meet someone online, in person.” We talked over dinner for two hours or so, and he mentioned again about wanting to continue the evening at his house. Although it did sound tempting, I didn’t want to seem easy on the first date.

  “Maybe next time,” I said, taking a last sip of my Cosmopolitan.

  “Sure, that’d be great.”

  So when will I see you again?” he asked as we waited for my cab.

  “Not sure. It depends.”

  “On?”

  “Depends on if you want to or not,” I replied, trying to tuck a loose strand of my hair back behind my ear.

  “Oh, I want to—definitely…don’t you?”

  In a way I wanted to say no. Not that I didn’t want to see him again, but something seemed off—either with me, or I sensed he was rushing things.

  “Yeah, I do. We’ll have to see.”

  Dean opened the car door like a gentlemen and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Call me and let me know when you’re back home.”

  After I rummaged in my purse to tip the cab driver, I noticed my I.D. was gone. It must have fallen out in the bathroom restaurant when I was looking for my phone. I hadn’t noticed it missing till now. Strange it was just my I.D. and nothing else.

  Once I got back to the hotel, I saw that Jenny was already asleep. I was excited about my first date with Dean and thought it went well. I wanted to gab away the night, but didn’t want to wake Jen.

  I wondered how Jeremy was doing. He’d called earlier while I was at the restaurant and left a short message that he was okay. I wanted desperately to tell him why I hadn’t been sleeping very well, to tell him I was taking my meds and that everything would be okay, but I didn’t really know that now, did I?

  Chapter Four

  We were huddled together in a pitch-black closet. It was locked. I kept jiggling the handle and getting more and more frightened. I was only four at the time, and I think the girl was five.

  “You have the key, Katherine,” the girl whispered, cupping her hand softly to my ear. She startled me with her ice-cold hands.

  Begging the little girl to open the door, and fearing we were trapped, I couldn’t understand what she meant by that. I didn’t have anything as I checked the pockets of my dress. I felt the palms of my hands begin to sweat and my heart race inside my chest. My eyes burned from the blackness and even though I was with the girl, I felt very alone and scared. It was almost as if she was a large doll.

  “Open the door, Katherine, you have the key,” she said again.

  I stood up, reaching around in the dark, seeing only a slight crack of light from the floor. I began to twist the knob again, and it turned slowly. When the door opened, a blast of light came in, suddenly waking me.

  When morning came, I gathered my things and started to pack my bags. My clothes lay strewn about the room along with my used bath-towels. It wasn’t like me to have things in such a mess, and I could feel myself getting more and more agitated that things were in disarray.

  Quickly, I pasted myself together for the flight home. Jenny was up and ready and waiting on me as usual. “Come on, Kat, or we’ll miss our plane,” she said as she stood there in the doorway, her bags already packed. “We never miss, don’t worry. I have it,” I said, trying to reassure her. When we were all set to go, and the cab arrived, Jenny asked about Dean.

  “So, how was he?”

  “Oh, very polite—a real gentleman. He said to call once I got home.” I hesitated, remembering what he said about going back to his place. “Yeah, it went great.”

  I didn’t want to tell her that I felt a little uneasy and rushed. It was weird that Dean felt so eager for me to join him at his house. I thought maybe we could extend the date by going to a club or something. I mean, all we did was have dinner. I didn’t want to jump to any negative conclusions, so I tried to push aside my thoughts and enjoy the city one last time before I left. Whatever the case, I was glad I decided not to go back to Dean’s.

  “Do you have everything?” Jenny asked.

  “Yeah.” However, I didn’t have everything; my I.D. was still missing.

  We got back to Ashland, near the Lake Superior area, at around three in the afternoon, and I reminded myself how much I love living here. I’ve traveled all over the world, yet lived in Wisconsin all my life. My parents raised us Catholic and lately have been very religious, going to church practically every day. I suppose they are praying for my illness to go away, or have God take it and heal me.

  I st
arted to remember my childhood on the ride home. Jenny had fallen asleep, so all I could do was think. My thoughts drifted back to when I was a kid and the youngest, having to wear hand-me-down clothes, nothing like the clothes I wear now. Martha my oldest sister had everything new, and poor Todd my middle brother always got clothes from the thrift store—that meant being able to spend more on Martha. My parents, not very strict on Todd and me, were strict on Martha. It was always about her and what she was doing and who she was with. I’ll never forget how I struggled in reading and the teacher offered them a special class for me to take, but they’d rather spend money on Martha’s swimming lessons or tennis playing.

  My thoughts drifted to John and how he saved me from all that. We met at fourteen and everything changed at that point. My parents didn’t approve of him, but once I became pregnant they seemed to have some form of affection toward him. I thought they would get even more upset, but not them; in fact, they enjoyed being grandparents for the first time when Jeremy was born.

  Now that I thought of it, they pretty much let me do whatever. I seemed to have no sense of direction at all. Jeremy changed all that for me.

  I glanced over to Jenny, still sound asleep as we pulled up to her house. ”Jen, wake up, girl. We’re back.” I shook her gently.

  “Oh, wow, so soon?” she said, yawning. She got out, grabbed her bags from the trunk and headed up the driveway. “See you later, Kat. Call me.”

  “I will.” I sat back and rolled the window down for a smoke. “It’s okay?” I asked, signaling to the cab driver as I lifted up my cigarette.

  “Sure.”

  I closed my eyes and reminisced about my younger years again. My senior year, when I had the miscarriage, I fell into a deep depression and became obsessed at getting pregnant again. I wanted a feeling of unconditional love so desperately.